One of My Roughest Day
This is Tuesday. Still Tuesday, and since yesterday I've been cried all along.
It began yesterday. My lecturer old me that she's had her roughest day in her life too. When her lecturer yelled at her and slammed the door in front of her face. It hurts. I know.
But then the lesson started. She told us that she hopes somebody would have came to her and told her that it was not her fault. She needed somebody to told her to stay where she was and to fight for what she was fighting for. But nobody did. I know exactly what it feels like. To be rejected by somebody even though you did nothing wrong.
Maybe I'm too melodramatic or whatever people call it. But really, it's either the feeling of empathy or the feeling of relief cause now I know that my lecturer got her bad moments too and it's humanly. Cause all of these times, I always think that they are.. perfect. So inhuman cause she can do so many amazing things while keep encouraging us, her students, to keep moving on and doing what we know is right. Something so powerful because she always try to light up our courage and spirits. She's just so good about it. I don't know why but she feels like a grandma to me. Not to mention her age, but to mention her kindness to me and I feel her so close to my condition. Even in reality she's not even remember my name or what I've done cause I've done nothing so powerful yet. But I hope someday she'll tell her students a story about me doing great things too. I really want to make her proud. She sometimes hurt my feelings by her glimpse or her words. But that same mouth that's been encouraging me all of these hard times I had in my college. She never yelled at me or making me feel intimidated. She's always be that one wise lecturer that told her students to keep our idealism and keep doing what we know we should have done.
There will be not enough words to explain her kindness. She might hurt people's feeling once or twice but the way she told everyone of her roughest moment yesterday just made me cried a lot. I have to admit that makes me know that my lecturers are humans too. They can get hurt, they're not always in a good conditions, they can have doubts too, and they can cry too. Also I have to admit that I even cried yesterday after she told us her dark story. I didn't know whether she saw my tears or not but I hope no cause it'll make me that I'm weak or I don't know whatever she might have thought about me.
Then today.. I got bad feelings too. It started yesterday when I was looking for permission to put my reactor for my thesis. I tried to look for the best place where it's far from contaminant, could get protected from the rain, and still got sunlight for the bacteria to grow. But the man in charge seems got too irritated about our thoughts to put it there. It's simply because it'll make it less aesthetic. While, you have to know, that nobody will even saw the reactor if we put it there. He said and did everything to make us not putting our reactor there. Started from he's afraid that it might explode (when it's the WATER reactor, not the nuclear one and it might never explode cause we didn't have any business with the reagent) until he told us that they will start a renovation so soon. He's just too too rude about it. He didn't even want to hear us and he just ran away by saying he had to pray. But what prayers mean if he keep hurting people's feeling? Seriously, this might sounds rude too but admit it as a fact. Sometimes it's better for people to do kind things and show love for everybody than to just pray then be so cruel to everyone. Faith without works means dead. Now I know exactly what that means.
Yesterday, after cried a lot and told my friend about all of my roughness, she finally could make me smile again and feel better about everything. Or at least I can pretend I am better. She listened to me and we both looked for the solutions. I'm glad to have a friend like her.
Anyway, today's class was unknowingly canceled and I've arrived at school and guess whaaattttt??? It does make me feel distracted again today. Like I should have done lots of things at home instead of going to school for nothing. Then my feelings and mood already got destroyed. I decided going to grab a pie but they don't have it today. LOL. Then I changed it into Salmon Avocado and I love it! :') at least some and may things have to be better from now on. IT SHOULD AND IT WILL SURELY. I'm glad that I picked a seat at the second floor cause it's more peaceful and I can just enjoy things. This is my story so far for today. Thanks for all the tears that's streaming down my face all over again for today. I'm so done.
It began yesterday. My lecturer old me that she's had her roughest day in her life too. When her lecturer yelled at her and slammed the door in front of her face. It hurts. I know.
But then the lesson started. She told us that she hopes somebody would have came to her and told her that it was not her fault. She needed somebody to told her to stay where she was and to fight for what she was fighting for. But nobody did. I know exactly what it feels like. To be rejected by somebody even though you did nothing wrong.
Maybe I'm too melodramatic or whatever people call it. But really, it's either the feeling of empathy or the feeling of relief cause now I know that my lecturer got her bad moments too and it's humanly. Cause all of these times, I always think that they are.. perfect. So inhuman cause she can do so many amazing things while keep encouraging us, her students, to keep moving on and doing what we know is right. Something so powerful because she always try to light up our courage and spirits. She's just so good about it. I don't know why but she feels like a grandma to me. Not to mention her age, but to mention her kindness to me and I feel her so close to my condition. Even in reality she's not even remember my name or what I've done cause I've done nothing so powerful yet. But I hope someday she'll tell her students a story about me doing great things too. I really want to make her proud. She sometimes hurt my feelings by her glimpse or her words. But that same mouth that's been encouraging me all of these hard times I had in my college. She never yelled at me or making me feel intimidated. She's always be that one wise lecturer that told her students to keep our idealism and keep doing what we know we should have done.
There will be not enough words to explain her kindness. She might hurt people's feeling once or twice but the way she told everyone of her roughest moment yesterday just made me cried a lot. I have to admit that makes me know that my lecturers are humans too. They can get hurt, they're not always in a good conditions, they can have doubts too, and they can cry too. Also I have to admit that I even cried yesterday after she told us her dark story. I didn't know whether she saw my tears or not but I hope no cause it'll make me that I'm weak or I don't know whatever she might have thought about me.
Then today.. I got bad feelings too. It started yesterday when I was looking for permission to put my reactor for my thesis. I tried to look for the best place where it's far from contaminant, could get protected from the rain, and still got sunlight for the bacteria to grow. But the man in charge seems got too irritated about our thoughts to put it there. It's simply because it'll make it less aesthetic. While, you have to know, that nobody will even saw the reactor if we put it there. He said and did everything to make us not putting our reactor there. Started from he's afraid that it might explode (when it's the WATER reactor, not the nuclear one and it might never explode cause we didn't have any business with the reagent) until he told us that they will start a renovation so soon. He's just too too rude about it. He didn't even want to hear us and he just ran away by saying he had to pray. But what prayers mean if he keep hurting people's feeling? Seriously, this might sounds rude too but admit it as a fact. Sometimes it's better for people to do kind things and show love for everybody than to just pray then be so cruel to everyone. Faith without works means dead. Now I know exactly what that means.
Yesterday, after cried a lot and told my friend about all of my roughness, she finally could make me smile again and feel better about everything. Or at least I can pretend I am better. She listened to me and we both looked for the solutions. I'm glad to have a friend like her.
Anyway, today's class was unknowingly canceled and I've arrived at school and guess whaaattttt??? It does make me feel distracted again today. Like I should have done lots of things at home instead of going to school for nothing. Then my feelings and mood already got destroyed. I decided going to grab a pie but they don't have it today. LOL. Then I changed it into Salmon Avocado and I love it! :') at least some and may things have to be better from now on. IT SHOULD AND IT WILL SURELY. I'm glad that I picked a seat at the second floor cause it's more peaceful and I can just enjoy things. This is my story so far for today. Thanks for all the tears that's streaming down my face all over again for today. I'm so done.
Comments
Post a Comment