Afternoon Thoughts
Here I am.. sitting on the most comfy that kinda-picnic-table thing in my faculty. I have a thought about how somebody can be so close to their creator, and then some random day feel so far away from their faith. I don't know what makes somebody keep alive. I think that little thing people called 'passion'? I don't know. Surely blurry about these things.
Everyday I'm trying to survive and find my right path to live this life. Everyday I try so many new things to keep me alive. Everyday I try to find so many good reasons to make me feel living.
Maybe I just overthink it, but one simple thought can make you lost if you ignore it. Sometimes when you have something bad and you decided to shut it down, trust me it's not a good decision. Once in my lifetime, I've been trying to do the same: ignore my feelings when I feel disappointed or sad or even feel like I'm useless.
But you know what? So many teenager have to know this: each of you are beautiful. No matter what people said, no matter what your friends are talking about you or commenting your taste of fashion or your artwork, they just don't have any right to bring you down.
In my life, I've been going through so many bad things. So many bad comments. Even so many rejection. And those people, they succeed to bring me down to my lowest point of my life. I have to be honest, I've never felt beautiful these days. I once felt it, but somehow I destroyed my achievement. I mean, for someone like me I would call it as an achievement. Because all my life, I've been told and judged that I am not beautiful. I'm not the brightest girl in class, nor having that "damn, girl!" type of body. I was born as an endomorph, I have low metabolism.
But nowadays I've been thinking.. that I want to feel beautiful again. I know I'm stronger that I knew. After all of those bullies, all of those mocks, all of those disturbing glimpse, I know I've cried so much all of my life.
You know what? I've tried to kill myself several times. Just simply cause I feel lonely. I feel like nobody wants me and would be better if I end this soon as possible. But my thoughts were wrong. My intuition told me that I have to hold on a little bit more. Until I can find that light that's come into my life once. Believe it or not, one reason that's holding me for not committing suicide was my religion. It helps me frightened taking my wrong decision. I mean I have to admit that if I end my life, I won't go to heaven either. So.... rather than hell, I think world is still much better. At least we still can see love through each others' eyes. Even sometimes they're been blinded with cruelty and evil. But I believe that each person have a little spark of kindness in their heart. Sometimes, they're just being confuse about how to express those love and kindness for other. At least, I want to believe that this world still has its potential to be filled with love. At least.... I'm trying.
Everyday I'm trying to survive and find my right path to live this life. Everyday I try so many new things to keep me alive. Everyday I try to find so many good reasons to make me feel living.
Maybe I just overthink it, but one simple thought can make you lost if you ignore it. Sometimes when you have something bad and you decided to shut it down, trust me it's not a good decision. Once in my lifetime, I've been trying to do the same: ignore my feelings when I feel disappointed or sad or even feel like I'm useless.
But you know what? So many teenager have to know this: each of you are beautiful. No matter what people said, no matter what your friends are talking about you or commenting your taste of fashion or your artwork, they just don't have any right to bring you down.
In my life, I've been going through so many bad things. So many bad comments. Even so many rejection. And those people, they succeed to bring me down to my lowest point of my life. I have to be honest, I've never felt beautiful these days. I once felt it, but somehow I destroyed my achievement. I mean, for someone like me I would call it as an achievement. Because all my life, I've been told and judged that I am not beautiful. I'm not the brightest girl in class, nor having that "damn, girl!" type of body. I was born as an endomorph, I have low metabolism.
But nowadays I've been thinking.. that I want to feel beautiful again. I know I'm stronger that I knew. After all of those bullies, all of those mocks, all of those disturbing glimpse, I know I've cried so much all of my life.
You know what? I've tried to kill myself several times. Just simply cause I feel lonely. I feel like nobody wants me and would be better if I end this soon as possible. But my thoughts were wrong. My intuition told me that I have to hold on a little bit more. Until I can find that light that's come into my life once. Believe it or not, one reason that's holding me for not committing suicide was my religion. It helps me frightened taking my wrong decision. I mean I have to admit that if I end my life, I won't go to heaven either. So.... rather than hell, I think world is still much better. At least we still can see love through each others' eyes. Even sometimes they're been blinded with cruelty and evil. But I believe that each person have a little spark of kindness in their heart. Sometimes, they're just being confuse about how to express those love and kindness for other. At least, I want to believe that this world still has its potential to be filled with love. At least.... I'm trying.
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